WHAT DOES GOD'S WORD SAY ABOUT...CHOOSING A MATE?
We know that it is the Lord's will for people to have a mate if they desire one. In the
beginning when God created Adam, God Himself made this statement:
"... It is
not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him" (Genesis
"Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient,
satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper meet
(suitable, adapted, completing) for him" (Genesis 2:18 Amplified).
The Lord wants to bring a mate to those who will ask Him and have the
patience to wait for His choice.
There are some single people who are constantly out looking for a mate, and they are
miserable because God has not sent them one yet. They have prayed and prayed, yet they
still have no mate. Some settle for Satan's provision instead of asking God for the
patience to wait for the one whom He would send. If they would look to Jesus and seek to
please Him, rather than being concerned about a mate, soon they would find the right one
crossing their path. Looking for a man or woman to just keep them from being
lonely or just to fill their needs or to be a father or mother to their children
should not be the only reasons for desiring a mate. They also need to be concerned about
what kind of husband or wife they would be for a mate. These single people are still much
in the flesh if they just want their own needs met. They should ask the Lord to fill them
with His love and peace.
Being single is an important time to prepare us for marriage. It can also be a time to
experience a closer communion with God. As we seek God to cleanse us of the world and help
us become the kind of wife or husband that would bless someone, we will soon find that we
are not lonely. First, the Lord would begin using us to bless others; then we will find we
are content in Him. Eventually, in God's plan and timing, He will bless us with a
wonderful mate so that both lives can be a witness for Him. We believe if a marriage
cannot glorify the Lord, then it would be better to remain alone. There are worse things
than being alone. One of these is to be out of God's will by compromising and marrying
someone who does not feel the same way we do about the Lord.
Marriage is the second major choice we make in our lives, and we should never enter
into it without much prayer. To rush into a marriage can be disastrous. The most important
decision of our lives, of course, is our decision to follow the Lord. This decision is not
a one-time declaration, but a daily determination to follow Jesus above all. If we allow
the emotional or soulish realm to dominate our lives we become more susceptible to the
enemy leading us astray through someone. This area of the flesh should be brought under
the Lord's subjection so that Satan does not get the advantage and consequently destroy
our lives and ministries. So many have failed the Lord because they chose a man or woman
over the Lord.
We find this true throughout the Bible, too. Solomon's heathen wives led him into
idolatry. Samson lost his eyes because of a woman, Delilah. David committed murder because
of passion for Bathsheba.
Our emotions need to be cleansed as they are not the sign of love. The true definition
of love is "God is love." If God is not in a relationship it is
not true love. What this world calls love is really lust since it is built on what the
other person does for me, not what I can do for him or her. If the other person fails to
keep up his end of the bargain, a divorce occurs because the offended mate is no longer
pleased. This is the attitude of the world's so-called "love." God's love loves
without receiving back; God's love is forgiving and patient. God's love is gentle and
kind. God's love waits. God's love sacrifices.
1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible gives us a beautiful definition of real
love: (In this King James translation the word "charity" means
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I
am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge;
and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be
burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself,
is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there
be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child:
but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but
then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is
Man's emotions are not a reliable gauge upon which to establish a marriage
relationship. We must know in the Spirit that it is God's will. It is much better to marry
for character than for emotion. Emotions fluctuate; character doesn't. Emotions are in the
soulish realm, and unless the carnal mind has been renewed, Satan can give us emotions or
feelings of love for someone of his choosing. (If he did not have this in his power, he
could not split up marriages.) One of his favorite techniques is to suddenly take away the
feelings one once had for his mate and give feelings for someone else. When he has
successfully convinced a person that he no longer loves his or her mate, then he leads
them to divorce, whispering, "You are living a lie." After he has destroyed that
marriage, he then leads one to marry again by stirring their emotions for another. Often
after their next marriage something happens that they do not expect. Before too long,
friction begins to develop with the new mate, then arguing. Finally, they find the same
thing has happened again; they feel no emotion for their new mate and the next divorce is
in the making. "Falling" in love is Satan's way. The very expression of these
words should tell us something. A Christian should not blindly "fall" into any
trap. Love is bigger than simply falling for someone. Certainly, the Lord gives us a
wonderful emotional feeling for the one we are to marry. However, this "feeling"
without God's direction can be disastrous as Satan can tamper with our emotions and
Marriage, in a Christian's life, should be based on a decision directed by the Holy
Spirit. A Christian's love for another is a commitment. Of course, the Lord will supply
the emotions for the mate He sends, but that should not be the criterion for making the
decision to marry. The Lord should be sought, and whatever He speaks to us we should do.
He knows the future and what is best for us. If we trust Him He will not fail us in this
or any other important area. Women or men who allow emotions to rule them will never be
victorious Christians. Emotions should always follow, never lead.
During Old and New Testament times, fathers and mothers chose the mates for their
children. God's people were very careful to choose those who were "believers."
We find this practice still prevalent in India and other Eastern cultures. The parents,
being older and more prudent, made wiser decisions than the children in this area. The
divorce rate in India is only about 7%, whereas in the USA, at the present, it is nearing
50%. Marriages that are loveless can be saved and restored simply by asking God to restore
the love that was once there. Sexual relationships can also be healed by praying for a
desire for one's mate. Prayer is a mighty weapon. God's love can mend and heal, providing
people are willing to lay down their lives for their mates. His love will not fade, as
does the love of the world.
Those who are single and have never been married are cautioned in God's Word to seek a
mate who is a like believer. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with
unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what
communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)." Many precious
people suffer because they are living with unsaved mates. Some did not have Christ when
they made their marriage decision, but they have since found the Lord. Those will have
God's grace and love to win their mates for Jesus. The Lord always strives to bring the
lost mate to Himself through the partner who knows Him. Mighty miracles of deliverance and
salvation have occurred when people have endured suffering in order to bring their mates
to the Lord. Those people who have the light, but choose to marry into darkness by yoking
themselves to unsaved mates find that their flesh has led them away from God.
The Lord wants to bless marriage unions and see His plans fulfilled in both mates'
lives. What a glorious plan He had from the beginning for both male and female. We can
trust Him in this important decision. If we will totally commit to do His will we will
never be disappointed in the one He sends into our lives.
This article is taken from the book Neither Male Nor Female by Betty
Miller. You may copy and circulate it freely.
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